The New Long Distance

Posted on May 9th, 2016

It’s easy to reach me through email and by leaving a comment here, but many people also choose to reach out via my Tumblr.  This morning I received a question that actually ties in well to something that has recently been on my mind anyway, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to expand further.

Our anonymous friend writes, “Hi Helen! I’m about to move across the country for a new job, and most of my closest friends and family will be a plane ride away. Do you have any tips or a system for keeping in touch with and maintaining relationships with far-off people? Thank you!”

Sound familiar?  If experience is the best teacher, then I’ve been in an independent study crash course for the past year.  Last May, I was in a long distance relationship with my now-fiance, and had been for five years.  It is 1,000 times worth it that Ian and I are together in Seattle, but  I now find myself in a long distance relationship with everyone else.

But when it comes to your tribe, you find ways to make it work.  Here are some of the main strategies I use to stay close to people who are thousands of miles away:

1. Embrace the group text.  Starting out with what is perhaps the most obvious, but what I think has made the biggest difference.  Two of my girlfriends and I started a group text when we went to college and we have talked all day, every day ever since.  My family also has a group text called “The 6 Pals” because we’re corny like that.  In general people are good about reaching out to share major milestones, but having an established text thread or GroupMe gives you an easy forum to share your thoughts on current events, how good your coffee tastes… you know, the important everyday stuff! 

   

• Schedule walks.  When I lived at home, my mom and I would go on a 3 mile walk together almost every day.  It was an easy way to something good for our bodies and minds, and certainly brought us closer together.  It’s not quite as frequent now, but we haven’t had to give the habit up!  I’ll put on my shoes and grab my phone and headphones, my mom will put on her shoes and grab Gracie the puppy’s leash, and we’ll each hit the pavement in our respective cities.  This is a beneficial habit on so many levels!  I’ve actually picked it up with several of my friends, too.

• Let them know you’re thinking of them.  If you see a clickbait article or a TV commercial that makes you think of them, don’t keep it to yourself!  People love knowing they’re on your mind.

• Try snail mail!  A dying art, but y’all know I’m a huge fan.  There’s things you share in letters and a way in which you tell stories that just don’t happen in texts or over email.  And don’t forget birthdays.  Send them a card, and then Venmo them for a birthday drink.  If it’s a best friend, find out where they’re having their birthday dinner, and call to send a bottle of champagne to their table.

• Make a big travel budget.  Hopefully since you’re moving, this is a good time for you to prioritize this in a new financial plan.  I am very transparent about the premium I place on spending time with the people I love.  It’s hard being so far away in Seattle, but I take a lot of weekend trips, and just in general try to be there and spending time with my people as much as possible.

As I’ve admitted before, it’s not easy and it’s not fun, but sometimes it’s a logical sacrifice.  Even if your relationships with others are not what they used to be or what you might picture, if you put in the effort from afar, it will be so, so much easier to pick up right where you left off when you are together again.  And that, I can be certain, is always worth the effort.

I will leave you with an adage that you might have found on your friend’s MySpace page in 2005: “Distance means so little when someone means so much.”