Hi, My Name Is

Posted on September 26th, 2016

One month later, I’m still getting used to being Mrs. Helen Nightingale– by which I mean actually responding to that name.

Growing up in a family of women who had all taken their husbands’ last names, it wasn’t until I actually got engaged myself that I ever considered keeping my own. For a minute, it felt like a major (and majorly artificial) identity change. Working in marketing, I have a lot of opinions when it comes to brand recognition and credibility, and I didn’t want to give up the brand I had built as Helen Rapp.

Of course, there are lots of practical reasons for both keeping and changing your name. Keeping: people at work don’t think you’re a new hire, you can keep your cute monogrammed things, no trips and phone calls to the SSA/DMV/bank/every credit card company/vehicle registration office… etc. Changing: you match your husband, and ultimately your family, minimizing confusion about who belongs in your family unit.

Thinking about that last point a bit further is what affirmed my decision to change my name. My first name was my identifier; and in changing my family names I had the opportunity to signify the people with whom I associate. Moving my maiden name to my middle name allows me to honor my parents, brothers, and father’s family, all of whom have been extremely instrumental in shaping the “Helen” brand. Sharing Ian’s last name establishes us as an easily identifiable family unit, allowing me to honor my future with him. And let’s face it, choosing to keep my former last name would not have been a statement for gender equality– I could either use my dad’s family name, or my husband’s family name. It’s about the patriarchy no matter how you slice it 😉

There is no right decision for a newlywed. Extremely valid arguments can be made supporting either outcome. And despite the one zillion hours I have spent on the phone with every customer service department in the United States in the past three weeks, I continue to feel like I made the best one for me. I’m still Helen, and I still have a really awesome tribe of people in my corner. I’m just building a new tribe, too.

Also, let’s be honest. Was I really going to pass up the chance to have Nightingale as a last name?