Seasons’ Greetings

Posted on May 4th, 2015

Now that spring is upon us and we have some distance between us and the dark days, I think we need to reassess what’s really going on with the seasons.  Yes, I understand that seasons are kind of a longtime thing, based on positions of the earth in relation to the sun, blah blah blah.  But I don’t think this fits with the current era.  It’s unfair, for example, that March and December are labeled the same.

So I would like to propose we mix things up.  When I take over the world, which I expect will be any day now, we will have a different set of seasons.  Brace yourselves.

Let’s start with our current season: Spring!  

• Dates: April-May
• Best part: Flowers
• Worst part: You get to ditch the tights but your legs haven’t seen the light of day in 6 months and now glow in the dark
• Must-have accessory: Colorful umbrella (this, this, or this)
• Tips for surviving: Don’t sleep too late on the weekends– the wait at brunch will be insane if you get there at 11.

Moving on to Summer…

• Dates: June-August (possibly mid September)
• Best part: Al fresco dining
• Worst part: Public sweating
• Must-have accessory: Duffel bag (this or this) for weekend adventuring
• Tips for surviving: SUNSCREEN is so important

Finally Fall:

• Dates: September-October
• Best part: Return of football
• Worst part: The end of Summer Fridays at work
• Must-have accessory: Pumpkin Spice Latte
• Tips for surviving: Pay someone else to rake the leaves.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Here’s where things get really crazy– I think November and December need their own season.  There is a worldwide sense of celebration, love, and appreciation during these months.  So may I present to you my new and improved season: Festivity!

• Dates: November-January 11 (or whatever the date of the college football national championship is)
• Best part: Time with friends and family
• Worst part: Gaining five pounds of Christmas cookie and eggnog weight
• Must-have accessory: Glitter heels (these are among my most prized possessions, but these and these are pretty amazing too)
• Tips for surviving: Keep hostess gifts on hand (this candle, perhaps)– you never know when you’ll have to run to a soiree!

Guess which season is my least favorite?  Winter.  I am not even the same person at this time of year.  In fact, I think it’s silly we set New Year’s Resolutions to start of January 1.  That’s just setting yourself up for failure.  The name of the game in winter is just survival.  Like let’s just make it through the day, and wait until spring to make any crazy life changes.  But I digress.  Here’s the winter rundown:

• Dates: January 11-March
• Best part: Super Bowl Sunday
• Worst part: Taking down your holiday decorations; general questioning of the meaning of life
• Must-have accessory: Unbelievably hideous outerwear
• Tips for surviving: Save up all your vacation days and blow them on trips to the Bahamas during these months

I hope you’ll consider joining my non-existent movement.  We talk a lot at my company about granularity, and I think that’s the issue here.  We just need more seasonal granularity!